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The Book of Pleasure (Self-Love)
OR
The Psychology of Ecstasy
By Austin Osman Spare
DEFINITIONS.
The words God, religions, faith, morals, woman, etc. (they being forms of
belief), are used as expressing different "means" as controlling and
expressing desire: an idea of unity by fear in some form or another which must
spell bondage-the imagined limits; extended by science which adds a dearly paid
inch to our height: no more.
Kia: The absolute freedom which being free is mighty enough to be
"reality" and free at any time: therefore is not potential or manifest
(except as it's instant possibility) by ideas of freedom or "means,"
but by the Ego being free to receive it, by being free of ideas about it and by
not believing. The less said of it (Kia) the less obscure is it. Remember
evolution teaches by terrible punishments-that conception is ultimate reality
but not ultimate freedom from evolution.
Virtue: Pure Art
Vice: Fear, belief, faith, control, science, and the like.
Self-Love: A mental state, mood or condition caused by the emotion of
laughter becoming the principle that allows the Ego appreciation or universal
association in permitting inclusion before conception.
Exhaustion: That state of vacuity brought by exhausting a desire by some
means of dissipation when the mood corresponds to the nature of the desire,
i.e., when the mind is worried because of the non-fulfilment of such desire and
seeks relief. By seizing this mood and living, the resultant vacuity is
sensitive to the subtle suggestion of the Sigil.
DIFFERENT RELIGIONS AND DOCTRINES AS MEANS TO PLEASURE, FREEDOM AND POWER.
What is there to believe, but in Self? And Self is the negation of
completeness as reality. No man has seen self at any time. We are what we
believe and what it implies by a process of time in the conception; creation is
caused by this bondage to formula.
Actions are the expressions of ideas bound up in the belief; they being
inherent are obscure, their operation indirect, easily they deceive
introspection. Fruits of action are two-fold, Heaven or Hell, their Unity or
Nothingness (Purgatory or Indifference). In Heaven there is desire for Women.
Hell the desire intense. Purgatory is expectation delayed. Indifference but
disappointment till recovery. Then verily they are one and the same. The wise
pleasure seeker, having realised they are "different degrees of
desire" and never desirable, gives up both Virtue and Vice and becomes a
Kiaist. Riding the Shark of his desire he crosses the ocean of the dual
principle and engages himself in self-love.
Religions are the projection of incapacity, the imaginations of fear, the
veneer of superstition, that paradox is truth, * while ofttimes the
ornamentation of imbecility. As a virtue in the Idea to maximise pleasure
cheaply, remit your sins and excuse them-is but ceremonial, the expression of
puppetry to the governing fear. Yes! What you have ordained in your
religiousness, is your very rack, imagined though it be! The prospect is not
pleasant; you have taught yourself! It has become inborn and your body is
sensitive.
* That God is always in Heaven or that the Almighty inconceivable emanates
its conception or negation-commits suicide, etc.
Some praise the idea of Faith. To believe that they are Gods (or anything
else) would make them such-proving by all they do, to be full of its non-belief.
Better is it to admit incapacity or insignificance, than reinforce it by faith;
since the superficial "protects" but does not change the vital.
Therefore reject the former for the latter. Their formula is deception and they
are deceived, the negation of their purpose. Faith is denial, or the metaphor
Idiocy, hence it always fails. To make their bondage more secure Governments
force religion down the throats of their slaves, and it always succeeds; those
who escape it are but few, therefore their honour is the greater. When faith
perishes, the "Self" shall come into its own. Others less foolish,
obscure the memory that God is a conception of themselves, and as much subject
to law. Then, this ambition of faith, is it so very desirable? Myself, I have
not yet seen a man who is not God already.
Others again, and those who have much knowledge, cannot tell you exactly what
"belief" is, or how to believe in what defies natural laws and
existing belief. Surely it is not by saying "I believe"; that art has
long been lost. They are even more subject to bewilderment and distraction
directly they open their mouths full of argument; without power and unhappy
unless spreading their own confusion, to gain cogency they must adopt dogma and
mannerism that excludes possibility . . . . . . By the illumination of their
knowledge they deteriorate in accomplishment. Have we not watched them decay in
ration to their expoundings? Verily, man cannot believe by faith or gain,
neither can he explain his knowledge unless born of a new law. We being
everything, wherefore the necessity of imagining we are not?
Be ye mystic.
Others believe in prayer . . . . have not all yet learnt, that to ask it to
be denied? Let it be the root of your Gospel. Oh, ye who are living other
peoples lives! Unless desire is subconscious, it is not fulfilled, no, not in
this life. Then verily sleep is better than prayer. Quiescence is hidden desire,
a form of "not asking"; by it the female obtains much from man.
Utilise prayer (if you must pray) as a means of exhaustion, and by that you will
obtain your desire.
Some do much to show the similarity of different religions; certainly by it I
prove the possibility of a fundamental illusion, but that they never realise-or
this Ukase they are the mockery, for how much they regret! They suffer more
conflict than the unenlightened. With what they can identify their own delusion
of fear they call truth. They never see this similarity and the quintessence of
religions, their own poverty of imagination and religion's palliation. Better is
it to show the essential difference of religions. It is as well to know that
various means; is not their object to deceive and govern? Surely then, for the
attainment of the transcendental, God and religion should have no place.
Some praise truth so-called, but give it many containers; forgetting its
dependence they prove its relationship and paradox, the song of experience and
illusion. Paradox is not "truth", but the truth that anything can be
true for a time. What supersedes paradox and its implicit ("not
necessary"), I will make the foundation of my teaching. Let us determine
the deliberative, "the truth" cannot be divided. Self-love only cannot
be denied and is Self-love as such when paradoxical, under any condition, hence
it alone is truth, without accessories complete.
Others praise ceremonial Magic, and are supposed to suffer much Ecstasy! Our
asylums are crowded, the stage is over-run! Is it by symbolising we become the
symbolised? Were I to crown myself King, should I be King? Rather should I be an
object of disgust or pity. These Magicians, whose insincerity is their safety,
are but the unemployed dandies of the Brothels. Magic is but one's natural
ability to attract without asking; ceremony what is unaffected, its doctrine the
negation of theirs. I know them well and their creed of learning that teaches
the fear of their own light. Vampires, they are as the very lice in attraction.
Their practices prove their incapacity, they have no magic to intensify the
normal, the joy of a child or healthy person, none to evoke their pleasure or
wisdom from themselves. Their methods depending on a morass of the imagination
and a chaos of conditions, their knowledge obtained with less decency than the
hyena his food, I say they are less free and do not obtain the satisfaction of
the meanest among animals. Self condemned in their disgusting fatness, their
emptiness of power, without even the magic of personal charm or beauty, they are
offensive in their bad taste and mongering for advertisement. The freedom of
energy is not obtained by its bondage, great power not by disintegration. Is it
not because our energy (or mind stuff) is already over bound and divided, that
we are not capable, let alone magical?
Some believe any and every thing is symbolic, and can be transcribed, and
explain the occult, but of what they do not know. (Great spiritual truths?) So
argument a metaphor, cautiously confusing the obvious which develops the hidden
virtue. This unnecessary corpulency, however impressive, is it not disgusting?
(The Elephant is exceeding large but extremely powerful, the swine though odious
does not breed the contempt of our good taste.) If a man is no hero to his
servant, much less can he remain a mystic in the eyes of the curious; similarity
educates mimicry. Decorate your meaning, however objectionable (as fact), after
you have shown your honesty. Truth, though simple, never needs the argument of
confusion for obscurity; its own pure symbolism embraces all possibilities as
mystic design. Take your stand in common-sense and you include the truth which
cannot lie; no argument has yet prevailed. Perfect proportion suggest no
alteration, and what is useless decays.
They reject all the modern symbolism*(1) and reach an absurd limit very
early. Not counting on change*(2) and (at times) the arbitrary nature of
symbolism or the chance of a preserved folly, by their adoption of the
traditional without a Science, as having reading to the present, their symbolism
is chaotic and meaningless. Not knowing the early rendering, they succeed in
projecting their own meagreness by this confusion, as explaining the ancient
symbols. Children are more wise. This conglomeration of antiquity decayed,
collected with the disease of greed-is surely the chance for charity? Forgetting
trumpery ideas, learn the best tradition by seeing you own functions and the
modern unbiased. Some praise the belief in a moral doctrinal code, which they
naturally and continually transgress, and never obtain their purpose. Given the
right nature, they succeed fairly in their own governing, and are those most
healthy, sane and self-pleased. It may be called the negation of my doctrine,
they obtain tolerable satisfaction, whereas mine is complete. Let him tarry
here, who is not strong for the great work. In freedom he might be lost. So
fledge your wings fearlessly, ye humble ones!
*(1) All means of locomotion, machinery, governments, institutions, and
everything essentially modern, is vital symbolism of the workings of our mind,
etc.
*(2) The symbol of justice known to the Romans is not symbolic of Divine, or
our justice, at least not necessarily or usually. The vitality is not exactly
like water-nor are we trees; more like ourselves, which might incidentally
include trees somewhere unlearnt-much more obvious in our workings at present.
Others say knowledge only is eternal, it is the eternal illusion of
learning-the Ukase of learning what we already know. Directly we ask ourselves
"how" we induce stupidity; without this conception what is there we
could not know and accomplish? Others for concentration, it will not free you,
the mind conceiving the law is bondage. Arrived at that, you will want
deconcentration. Dissociation from all ideas but one is not release but
imaginative fulfilment, or the fury of creation. Others again, that all things
are emanations of the Divine Spirit, as rays from the Sun, hence the need of
emancipation? Verily, things are of necessity through their conception and
belief. Then let us destroy or change conception, and empty the belief.
These and many other doctrines, are declared by me as the perpetuators of sin
and illusion. Each and all depending on a muddled implication, obscuring, yet
evolved from the duality of the consciousness for their enjoyment. In fear they
would vomit hot blood were they to see the fruits of their actions and
pleasures. Thus believing in widely different doctrines, they are of the dual
principle, necessary parasites on each other. Like drugs and the surgeon's
knife, they only annul or at best remove an effect. They do not change or remove
the fundamental cause (the law). "Oh, God, thou art the stagnant
environment." All is quackery: these religions whose very existence depend
on their failure, are so full of misery and confusion, have only multiplied
arguments, as full of argument as they are evil, so crowded with non-essentials,
being so barren of any free pleasure in this life or another, I cannot uphold
their doctrines. Their criterion for enjoyment-death! Better it were a man
renounce them all, and embrace his own invincible purpose. He cannot go further,
and this is his only release. By it he may put his pleasure where he will, and
find satisfaction.
THE CONSUMER OF RELIGION
Kia, in its Transcendental and Conceivable Manifestation.
Of name it has no name, to designate. I call it Kia I dare not claim it as
myself. The Kia which can be expressed by conceivable ideas, is not the eternal
Kia, which burns up all belief but is the archetype of "self," the
slavery of mortality. Endeavouring to describe "it," I write what may
be but not usually-called the "book of lies"*(1). The unorthodox of
the originable-a volant "sight," that conveys somehow by the
incidental, that truth is somewhere. The Kia which can be vaguely expressed in
words is the "Neither-Neither," the unmodified "I" in the
sensation of omnipresence, the illumination symbolically transcribed in the
sacred alphabet, and of which I am about to write. Its emanation is its own
intensity, but not necessariness, it has and ever will exist, the virgin
quantum-by its exuberance we have gained existence. Who dare say where, why and
how it is related? By the labour of time the doubter inhabits his limit. Not
related to, but permitting all things, it eludes conception, yet is the
quintessence of conception as permeating pleasure in meaning. Anterior to Heaven
and Earth, in its aspect that transcends these, but not intelligence, it may be
regarded as the primordial sexual principle, the idea of pleasure in self-love.
Only he who has attained the death posture can apprehend this new sexuality, and
its almighty love satisfied. He that is ever servile to belief, clogged by
desire, is identified with such and can see but its infinite ramifications in
dissatisfaction*(2). The progenitor of itself and all things, but resembling
nothing, this sexuality in its early simplicity, embodies the everlasting. Time
has not changed it, hence I call it new. This ancestral sex principle, and the
idea of self, are one and the same, this sameness its exaction and infinite
possibilities, the early duality, the mystery of mysteries, the Sphinx at the
gates of all spirituality. All conceivable ideas begin and end as light in its
emotion, the ecstasy which the creation of the idea of self induces. The idea is
unity by the formula of self, its necessary reality as continuity, the question
of all things, all this universe visible and invisible has come out of it. As
unity conceived duality, it begot trinity, begot tetragrammaton. Duality being
unity, is time, the complex of conception, the eternal refluctuation to the
primeval reality in freedom-being trinity of dualities, is the six senses, the
five facets of sex-projecting as environment for self-assimilation in denial, as
a complete sexuality. Being tetragrammaton of dualities is twelvefold by
arrangement, the human complex, and may be called the twelve commandments of the
believer. It imagines the eternal decimal, its multiplicity embracing eternity,
from which spring the manifold forms, which constitute existence. Vitalised by
the breath of self-love, life is conscious of one. Self being its opposing
force, is alternately conflict, harmony, life and death. These four principles
are one and the same-the conception considered as the complete "self"
or consciousness-hence they may be blended into unity and Symbolised. One form
made by two, that is three-fold and having four directions.
*(1) About this "Self"; all conception is the dual principle, the
law which is its conception.
*(2) The unmodified sex principle refracted through the dual principle
emanates the infinite variety of emotions or sexuality’s, which may be called
its ramifications.
The Transcendental Law, the Law and Testament of the "New."
The law of Kia is its own arbiter, beyond necessitation, who can grasp the
nameless Kia? Obvious but unintelligible, without form, its design most
excellent. Its wish is its superabundance, who can assert its mysterious
purpose? By our knowledge it becomes more obscure, more remote, and our
faith-opacity. Without attribute, I know not its name. How free it is, it has no
need of sovereignty! (Kingdoms are their own despoilers.) Without lineage, who
dare claim relationship? Without virtue, how pleasing in its moral self-love!
How mighty is it, in its assertion of "Need not be-Does not matter"!
Self-love in complete perspective, serves its own invincible purpose of ecstasy.
Supreme bliss simulating opposition is its balance. It suffers no hurt, neither
does it labour. Is it not self-attracting and independent? Assuredly we cannot
call it balance. Could we but imitate its law, all creation without command
would unite and serve our purpose in pleasure and harmony. Kia transcending
conception, is unchanging and inexhaustible, there is no need of illumination to
see it. If we open our mouths to speak of it, it is not of it but of our
duality, mighty though it be in its early simplicity! Kia without conceiving,
produces its rendezvous as the fullness of creation. Without assertion the
mightiest energy, without smallness it may appear the least among things. Its
possession ours without asking, its being free, the only thing that is free.
Without distinction, it has no favourites, but nourishes itself. In fear all
creation pays homage-but does not extol its moral, so everything perishes
unbeautifully. We endow ourselves with the power we conceive of it, and it acts
as master-*, never the cause of emancipation. Thus for ever from
"self" do I fashion the Kia, without likeness, but which may be
regarded as the truth. From this consultation is the bondage made, not by
intelligence shall we be free. The law of Kia is its ever original purpose,
undetermined, without change the emanations, through our conception they
materialise and are of that duality, man takes this law from this refraction,
his ideas-reality. With what does he balance his ecstasy? Measure for measure by
intense pain, sorrow, and miseries. With what his rebellion? Of necessity
slavery! Duality is the law, realisation by suffering, relates and opposes by
units of time. Ecstasy for any length of time is difficult to obtain, and
laboured heavily for. Various degrees of misery alternating with gusts of
pleasure and emotions less anxious, would seem the condition of consciousness
and existence. Duality in some form or another is consciousness as existence. It
is the illusion of time, size, entity, etc.-the world's limit. The dual
principle is the quintessence of all experience, no ramification has enlarged
its early simplicity, but is only its repetition, modification or complexity,
never is its evolution complete. It cannot go further than the experience of
self-so returns and unites again and again, ever an anti-climax. For ever
retrogressing to its original simplicity by infinite complication is its
evolution. No man shall understand "Why" by its workings. Know it as
the illusion that embraces the learning of all existence. The most aged one who
grows no wiser, it may be regarded as the mother of all things. Therefore
believe all experience to be illusion, and the law of duality. As space pervades
an object both in and out, similarly within and beyond this ever-changing
cosmos, there is this secondless principle.
* By scores of incarnations, our eventual "self" is derived from
the attributes with which we endow our God, the abstract Ego or conceptive
principle. All conception is a denial of the Kia, hence we are its opposition,
our own evil. The offspring of ourselves, we are the conflict of what we deny
and assert of the Kia. It would seem as though we cannot be too careful in our
choice, for it determines the body we inhabit.
SOLILOQUY ON GOD-HEAD.
Who ever Thought Thus?
Something is causing Pain and something energises the Agony: may it not be
caused through the latent Idea of Supreme Bliss? And this eternal expectation,
this amassing of ornament on decay, this ever-abiding thought is coincidental
with the vanity preceding death? O, squalid thought from the most morbid spleen
how can I devour thee and save my Soul? Ever did it answer back-"Pay homage
where due: the Physician is the Lord of existence!" This superstition of
medicine-is it not the essence of cowardice, the agent of Death?
Strange no one remembers being dead? Have you ever seen the Sun?-If you have
then you have seen nothing dead-in spite of you different belief! Which is the
more dead "you" or this corpse? Which of you has the greater degree of
consciousness? Judging by expression alone-which of you appears enjoying Life
most? May not this "belief" in death be the "will" that
attempts "death" for your satisfaction, but can give you no more than
sleep, decay, change-hell? This constant somnambulism is "the
unsatisfactory."
You disbelieve in Ghosts and God-because you have not seen them? What! You
have never seen the mocking ghosts of your beliefs?-the Laughing Bedlam of your
humility or Mammon-your grotesque Ideas of "Self"? Yea, your very
faculties and your most courageous Lies are Gods! Who is the slayer of your
Gods-but a God!
There is no proof that you existed before? What an excuse! No one has
returned to tell us? What a damning advocate! You are but what you were-somehow
changed? You are the case Prima Facie that you are reincarnated to perhaps
anything? "Perhapses" are possible! Can you do differently to what you
do? Never shall I tire of asserting that you constantly do differently!
What is the "ugliness" that offends? Is it the vague knowledge that
you will have to change your mind-that you are germinating what you contain? You
are always remembering what you forgot; to-day may be the day of reckoning-of
believing by force what you disbelieved? Now if to-day is yesterday in all but
appearances-then to-morrow also is to-day- the day of decay! Daily is this
universe destroyed, that is why you are conscious! There is no Life and Death?
Such ideas should be less than comic.
There is no Duality?
You are conscious of the gay Butterfly you observe and are conscious of being
"You": the Butterfly is conscious of being "itself," and as
such, it is a consciousness as good as and the same as yours, i.e., of you being
"you." Therefore this consciousness of "you" that you both
feel is the same "you"? Ergo, you are one and the same-the mystery of
mysteries and the most simple thing in the world to understand! How could you be
conscious of what you are not? But you might believe differently? So, if you
hurt the Butterfly you hurt yourself, but your belief that you don't hurt
yourself protects you from hurt-for a time! Belief gets tired and you are
miserably hurt! Do what you will-belief is ever its own inconsistency. Desire
contains everything, hence you must believe in everything-if you believe at all!
Belief seems to exclude common-sense.
There is no doubt about it-this consciousness of "Thee" and
"Me" is the unwelcome but ever ready torturer-yet it "need not be
so" in any sense! Is it not a matter of Fear? You are fearsome of entering
a den of Tigers? (And I assure you it is a matter of righteousness-(inborn or
cultured)-whether you enter voluntarily or are chucked in, and whether you come
out alive or not!) Yet daily you fearlessly enter dens inhabited by more
terrible creatures than Tigers and you come out unharmed-why?
The Allegory.
Great scientists are finding out the death-dealing properties of the microbes
they discover we breathe, and which according to their canons should destroy; we
should be already dead? Have faith! The canons of science are quite correct,
they do not disappoint the doubt! Our greater familiarity-"this impulse to
knowledge" will certainly bring us the disease and death they give! And
also give us in compensation their powers of destruction! For the destruction of
whom? Things will be squared! Is this the value of the will? This "will to
power"-how life preserving! How furthering of discriminate selection! How
pleasing! Most noble explorers! O, you scientists-go on discovering the
Bottomless Pit! When you are sodden with science-the lightning will thunder out
the murder? New hope will be born? New creatures for the circus? (The conception
of) God-head must ever evolve its inertia for transmutation to its very
opposite-because it contains it!
The master must be the painful learner of his stupidity?
The idea of God ever means the forgetfulness of supremacy and Godliness. So
must be supplanted by fear, eh?
There is no Atheist, no one is free from auto-biography, there is no fearless
pleasurist?
The conception is the absence of its indisputable reality within! When the
conception is memorial in forgetfulness-it may be the chance of its reality for
you?? When the prayer-(you are always praying) has transmutated to its
Blasphemy-you are attractive enough to be heard-your desire is gratified! What a
somersault of humility!
Whether God is projected as master by fear or as the dweller within by love
Gods we are all the time, that is why divinity is always potential. Its constant
generation, the eternal delay-is life. This envy of the Master or Creator-the
ultimate hope to follow in manner is also existence and the forfeiture of
"Life"!
There is no scientific fact, it ever implies its opposite as equal fact, this
is the "fact." Then why trouble to prove anything a fact? This vain
hope to prove finality is death itself, so why humbug the "Desire"?
You have proved (by mathematics!) the sun to be so many millions of miles away
from you-you will now improve its efficiency! Nature-that impulse to the
antitheses of your truths, will early prove (by mathematics and whenever you
like!) that the Sun does not exist at all! Or if you wish-it will prove
conclusively that the Sun is millions of millions of miles further away or
millions of miles nearer than you once thought! Most extraordinary thinker!
These facts and many others are already know to the butterfly, the lice, the
insects-and perhaps yourself? Whose senses are the more true-yours or the
house-fly's? You will eventually adopt their vision-their thoughts and
wisdom-you were such once? You are such now but have not awakened them-you will
be such again in power! Wondrous progress! Most meritorious accomplishments!
Most merciless! Progress should be closely examined and what you have gained by
the convenience of science.
A thought for perspective-you are always what you most wish-the prospective!
Your desire is to live according to your desire, and this you are always
realising! Most noble sentiment!-you are "it" already-"the
satisfied"-"the desireless"-"the real thing"! You are
drunk with it.
There is no illusion but consciousness! This consciousness is ever the
smiling monument commemorating "Whether you ever really enjoyed Life"!
The God of the "Will" is the command to obey, its Justice everyone
fears-it is a Sword-your desert for obedience! "Will" is the command
to believe, your will is what you have believed actively willing the belief for
you! You think when "it" wishes! "Will" is complication, the
means of a means. Call this will free or not-beyond will and belief is
Self-love. I know of no better name. It is free to believe what it desires. You
are free to believe in nothing related to belief. The "Truth" is not
difficult to understand! The truth has no will-will has no truth! Truth is
"will" never believed-it has no truth! "Could be"-is the
immediate certainty! This haunting Sphinx teaches us the value of the "will
to anything"? Then there is no graver risk than Absolute Knowledge-if
little is dangerous-what about Omniscience? The Almighty power has no
accessories!
Science is the accursed doubt of the possible, yea, of what does exist! You
cannot conceive an impossibility, nothing is impossible, you are the impossible!
Doubt is delay-time-but how it punishes! Nothing is more true than anything
else! What are you not-you ever answered truthfully?
You tyrannise over yourself, so constantly forget what you remember; you
resist sense objects and show resistance to the faculties by believing or not.
These faculties are as numerous as the atoms you have not yet seen, and they are
as endless as the number one-they come into life at will. You adopt a few at a
time- knowledge you speak through them- did you but understand your grammar
those you disown speak louder than your words! I would not believe the wisdom of
the Almighty.
Belief is ever its own tempter to believe differently; you cannot believe
freedom but you may be freed from belief? Neither can you believe the
"Truth" but you need not compromise yourself. The way of Life is not
by "means"-these doctrines-my doctrines even though they allow the
self-appointed devotee to emulate my realisation- may I ever blush! The man of
sorrows is the Teacher! I have taught- would I teach myself or thee again? Not
for a gift from Heaven! Mastership equals learning- equals constant unlearning!
Almighty is he who has not learnt and mighty is the babe- it has only the power
of assimilating!
The most solecistical of fools now asks-"how can we escape the
inevitable evolutions of conception-as all is ever conceiving"? My answer
shall permit all means, all men, all conditions. Listen, O, God that art, yet
would be God. When the mind is nonplussed- capability to attempt the impossible
becomes known; by that most simple state of "Neither-Neither" the Ego
becomes the Silent Watcher and knows about it all! The "Why" and
"How" of desire is contained within the mystic state of
"Neither-Neither" and common-sense proves it is the milk state, most
nutritious! Clownish that I am- yet all my ideas have come out of it (and, my
friend, all yours), but ever have I been a sluggard- an old sinner who would see
others almighty before himself.
THE DEATH POSTURE
Ideas of Self in conflict cannot be slain, by resistance they are a reality-
no Death or cunning has overcome them but is their reinforcement of energy. The
dead are born again and again lie in the womb of conscience. By allowing
maturity is to predicate decay when by non-resistance is retrogression to early
simplicity and the passage to the original and unity without idea. From that
idea is the formula of non-resistance germinating "Does not matter- please
yourself."
The conception of "I am not" must of necessity follow the
conception of "I am," because of its grammar, as surely in this world
of sorrow night follows day. The recognition of pain as such, implies the idea
of pleasure, and so with all ideas. By this duality, let him remember to laugh
at all times, recognise all things, resist nothing; then there is no conflict,
incompatibility or compulsion as such.
Transgressing Conception by a Lucid Symbolism.
Man implies Woman, I transcend these by the Hermaphrodite, this again implies
a Eunuch*(1); all these conditions I transcend by a "Neither"
principle, yet although a "Neither" is vague, the fact of conceiving
it proves its palpability, and again implies a different
"Neither."*(2)
But the "Neither-Neither" principle of those two, is the state
where the mind has passed beyond conception, it cannot be balanced, since it
implies only itself. The "I" principle has reached the "Does not
matter- need not be" state, and is not related to form. Save and beyond it,
there is no other, therefore it alone is complete and eternal. Indestructible,
it has power to destroy- therefore it alone is true freedom and existence.
Through it comes immunity from all sorrow, therefore the spirit is ecstasy.
Renouncing everything by the means shown, take shelter in it. Surely it is the
abode of Kia? This having once been (even Symbolically) reached, is our
unconditional release from duality and time- believe this to be true. The belief
free from all ideas but pleasure, the Karma through law (displeasure) speedily
exhausts itself. In that moment beyond time, a new law can become incarnate,
without the payment of sorrow, every wish gratified, he*(3) having become the
gratifier by his law. The new law shall be the arcana of the mystic unbalanced
"Does not matter- need not be," there is no necessitation,
"please yourself" is its creed.*(4)
In that day there can be deliberation. Without subjection, what you wish to
believe can be true. "He"*(5) is pleased by this imitation, the truth
revealed to me by all systems of government but is himself ungoverned; Kia, the
supreme bliss. This the glorious Science of pleasing one's self by a new
agreement, the art of Self-love by recognition, the Psychology of ecstasy by
non-resistance.
*(1) Sex-less.
*(2) They being dual have analogy to certain early sex principles in nature.
They are carried further in the sacred alphabet, being too abstruse to explain
by orthodox words and grammar.
*(3) The Ego.
*(4) The belief ever striving for denial- fullness by multiplication, is kept
free by retention in this.
*(5) "He", the Ego, now becomes the "Absolute."
The Ritual and Doctrine
Lying on your back lazily, the body expressing the condition of yawning,
suspiring while conceiving by smiling, that is the idea of the posture.
Forgetting time with those things which were essential- reflecting their
meaninglessness, the moment is beyond time and its virtue has happened.
Standing on tip-toe, with the arms rigid, bound behind by the hands, clasped
and straining the utmost, the neck stretched- breathing deeply and
spasmodically, till giddy and sensation comes in gusts, gives exhaustion and
capacity for the former.
Gazing at your reflection till it is blurred and you know not the gazer,
close your eyes (this usually happens involuntarily) and visualise. The light
(always an X in curious evolutions) that is seen should be held on to, never
letting go, till the effort is forgotten, this gives a feeling of immensity
(which sees a small form ), whose limit you cannot reach. This should be
practised before experiencing the foregoing. The emotion that is felt is the
knowledge which tells you why.
The death posture is its inevitability accelerated, through it we escape our
unending delay by attachment, the Ego is swept up as a leaf in a fierce gale- in
the fleetness of the indeterminable, that which is always about to happen
becomes its truth. Things that are self-evident are no longer obscure, as by his
own will he pleases, know this as the negation of all faith by living it, the
end of the duality of the consciousness. Of belief, a positive death state, all
else as sleep, a negative state. It is the dead body of all we believe, and
shall awake a dead corpse. The Ego in subjection to law, seeks inertion in sleep
and death. Know the death posture and its reality in annihilation of law- the
ascension from duality. In that day of tearless lamentation the universe shall
be reduced to ashes . . . . but he escapes the judgement! And what of
"I," most unfortunate man! In that freedom there is no necessitation,
what dare I say more? Rather would I commit much sin than compromise myself.
There are many preliminary exercises, as innumerable as sins, futile of
themselves but designative of the ultimate means. The death posture in the
reduction of all conception (sin) to the "Neither-Neither" till the
desire is contentment by pleasing yourself. By this and by no other are the
inertia of belief; the restoration of the new sexuality and the ever original
self-love in freedom are attained. The primordial vacuity (or belief) is not by
the exercise of focussing the mind on a negation of all conceivable things, the
identity of unity and duality, chaos and uniformity, etc., etc., but by doing it
now, not eventually. Perceive, and feel without the necessity of an opposite,
but by its relative. Perceive light without shadow by its own colour as
contrast, through evoking the emotion of laughter at the time of ecstasy in
union, and by practice till that emotion is untiring and subtle. The law or
reaction is defeated by inclusion. Were he to enjoy an hundred pleasures at a
time, however much his ecstasy, he does not lose, but great increase takes
place. Let him practise it daily, accordingly, till he arrives at the centre of
desire. He has imitated the great purpose. Like this, all emotions should find
equipoise at the time of emanation, till they become one. Thus by hindering
belief and semen from conception, they become simple and cosmic. By its
illumination there is nothing that cannot be explained. Certainly I find
satisfaction in ecstasy. I have now told you a secret of great import, it was
known to me in childhood. Even by sedulously striving for a vacuity of belief,
one is cosmic enough to dwell in the innermost of others and enjoy them. Among
men few know what they really believe or desire, let him begin, who would know,
by locating his belief till he sees his will. Existing as dual, they are
identical in desire, by their duality there is no control, for will and belief
are ever at variance, and each would shape the other to its ends, in the issue
neither wins as the joy is a covert of sorrow. Let him unite them.
THE CLOUDY ENEMIES BORN OF STAGNANT SELF-HYPNOTISM.
Natural belief is the intuition that compels belief through that which is
experienced reacting, and dominating in turns; everything has to associate
itself through its definite emotion, stimulated by those in harmony; those
discordant, lose cogency and inhibit. So by its own workings belief is limited
and determined for you. The majority of our actions can be traced back to a
subconscious desire (for freedom) in conflict with habit, an obedience to
inherent fatalism which hangs on "good and bad" actions already
committed (in past existence) against a preserved morality* and whose reaction
gives expression as spontaneity, involuntariness, autonomy, the deliberate,
etc., as the chance arises. The rest is due to a conflicting traditional moral
doctrine that has become constitutional (partly adopted to govern and time this
reaction). In its origin, an idea of what was then considered conveniently good
and bad . . . . To maximise pleasure by an arbitrary compromise of abstention
and performance of desire feared. Assimilated by the deceit of its divine
origin, its tenets are reward for obedience, punishment for transgression, both
holding good for all time (this world and another). This moral code is a
dramatised burlesque of the conceptive faculty, but is never so perfect or
simple in that it allows latitude for change in any sense, so becomes
dissociated from evolution, etc; and this divorce loses any utility and of
necessity for its own preservation and the sympathy desired, evolves
contradictions or a complication to give relationship. Transgressing its
commandments, dishonesty shows us its iniquity, for our justification; or
simultaneously we create an excuse or reason for the sin by a distortion of the
moral code, that allows some incongruity. (Usually retaing a few unforgivable
sins- and an unwritten law.) This negative confession is a feigned rationalism
that allows adventitious excuses . . . . a process of self-deception to satisfy
and summarily persuade yourself of righteousness. What one among us has any
excuse but self-love? We do not create or confess a morality that is convenient,
that lends itself to growth, and remains simple, that allows transgression
without excuse or punishment. It would be wise and common-sense to do so,
whatever the state of affairs in your mind. Nature eventually denies that which
it affirms: Through permanent association with the same moral code we help
desire to transgress. Desire of those things denied, the more you restrict the
more you sin, but desire equally desires preservation of moral instinct, so
desire is its own conflict (and weakly enough). Have no fear, the Bull of earth
has long had nothing to do with your unclean conscience, your stagnant ideas of
morality. The microbe alone would seem without fear!
* The elemental morality or fear of displeasing.
The Complexity of the Belief (Know Thyself).
The nature of belief equals all possibilities ultimately true by
identification through culture to an idea of time, so what is not timely is not
true, and what is not true, prognostication. Thought of one thing, implies the
possibility of another idea as contradicting but not dissociated, belief is to
make "one" more convincing. The condition of belief is the denial or
limit imposed on the capability of the vitality. To believe at all as such is a
concentration and schooling to exclude the implied by adopting a hypothesis or
faith that reflects non-worryingly or deceitfully rationalises the rejected.
Truth is not the truth of formula.
The centre of belief is love for one's self, projecting environment for
fulfilment but allowing its distortion to simulate denial, an ambition to become
ulterior to self-desire, but you cannot get further than the centre, so one
multiplies (believes) in order to be more unaware of the fundamental. Now this
refusal to believe what one believes and exactly as one believes, is the first
condition for all those who are in desire in any sense whatsoever; the man who
is in love perforce becomes a liar, self-hypnotised by his morbid ornamentation.
You know the results. . . . .You can only "truly believe" one thing,
yet its implexion is essential (as the truth seems to kill*), so the imagined
goes on for ever. The imagination learns that the idea is its compulsion. To
explain the "why" of belief (or of anything else), we must transcend
its schism. By entire consciousness in how the self loves is the means. As we
imitate this law of duality in all our processes of believing, it is not so
simple as it seems. Who has transgressed the law of conception? Who has no fear?
Yet by this sin, is the sciential of what determines the Schetic. Gracefully
compelling or expecting disappointment at the time of desire is the means of
locating its deceit, a consciousness that alone gives the chance of inquiry.
Beyond it is something arbitrary, the pauser, the ordainer of law, imitating it
by "reason" is but damning the consequences. Reason is belief, belief
is fear of one's capability, the faith that you are not even all the wonders of
creation, let alone the possibility of being the creator. It is delay . . . .
Belief well earns the terrible hatred of the vitality. Belief is not freedom.
Belief creates its necessary experience, progress germinates in retrogression.
Consider the reality is somewhere: and your belief may be too small for its
habitation. Oh, ye of much faith in God, merge into it by the worship of self!
Ah! foolish man, worship the glorious in freedom. When death approaches the
faith in God and desire of woman will not save you, what are their use when
withering and decay sets in and the body is an object of disgust? And what is
the use of knowledge and charity when reality is known? Unsheathe the sword of
self; ideas of the Almighty should be constantly slain and righteousness should
be inquired into.
* And does kill when feared.
Whosoever shall study his true nature a little, him does the "self"
investigate with his extraordinary conduct. He can compel anything without
offending. As the tendency of the most lustful ceases before publicity and
death, so do morals and faith before the perfect bliss. A glimpse of the truth
is born of purity of love: when the desire is without fear, when it does not
desire possession. When the thought is fulfilled by vision. The fire that is all
pleasure is loosed at his will, he is attraction, the cynosure of women. When
the believing principle is devoid of faith, as sterile of possessing ideas of
God - he is indestructible. Only when there is no fear in any form is there
realisation of identity with reality (freedom). For them there is no danger in
negligence, there being no discrimination. For him who is conscious of the
slightest differentiation there is fear. So long as there is perception of
self-reproach or conscience, there is pain germinating: there is no freedom. He
who believes anything he perceives or imagines, falls into sin. By believing
without feeling perturbation, forgetting ideas of external and internal, he
regards everything as self, and is the consciousness of non-resistance, has no
horizon: he is free. On seeing the star-lit eyes and rosebud mouths, the breasts
and loins of beautiful women, you become lovingly attached, but if you fear,
consider constantly that they are merely the charred flesh and bones of yourself
after the torture. The space between the eternal and "self," is it not
a moral doctrine? By unbelieving all one believes and sedulously without anxiety
not believing (by the "Neither-Neither" process), the principle
becomes simple and cosmic enough to include what you are always desiring, and
you are free to believe what was impossible. The desire is so mighty, it asks no
permission, and suffers no consequences, but the ecstasy of its possession.
Against it nothing can prevail, it burns up, as celluloid cast into the furnace-
the old folly of promising things on behalf of an imagined "another."
At hand is the freedom of Heaven, the Way, the Truth, and the Light, and none
dare say this of himself but by me, in Truth I alone am "Self," my
will unconditioned, is magical. Those who have lived much in their nature will
in some degree be familiar with such a sensation, poor though it be.
PREFACE TO SELF-LOVE
Let us be honest! Thou art "that," supreme in freedom, most
desirable, beyond desire, untouched by the six stupifiers. The sexuality labours,
so Death may harvest by desire. The elusive fancies of the senses are dangerous,
because of the righteousness you have learned to obey and control them by.
Hell-fire burns because you "conceived"; and will cease to hurt when
you identify the Ego with all the possibilities of its qualities by believing as
the "Neither-Neither" process. You are fire yet you are scorched!
Because you have "willed" belief (differently or not makes no
difference); the cycle of belief goes on and always obliges, so one day you must
believe differently and the fire will no longer hurt- you are saved? There are
other means of hurting you?
In that state which is not, there is no consciousness in any sense that thou
art "that" (Kia), which is superb, beyond the range of definition:
there is no temptation of freedom, "it" was not the cause of
evolution. Hence "it" is beyond time, consciousness or
unconsciousness, everything or nothingness, etc.; this I know through the
"Neither-Neither" which is automatically beyond every conception, ever
free in every sense. Perhaps "it" may not be obscure by continual
afterthought and vaguely felt through the hand of innocence- but whoever
understands such simple meanings? "It" is never perceived, being the
imperceptible Ecstasy of the "Neither-Neither"- ever present but
hidden by exhaustion through the cycle of Unity. The certainty of consciousness
is always the uncertainty of the perceived or experienced in whatever state it
may be, the constant doubt spelling fear, pain, decay, and the like- the cause
of evolution, the eternal incompletion.
O, desire, listen! In point of virulence spiritual desire is as fatal as the
sensuous. Aspiration towards a "supreme" is a network of deadly
desires because of cowardice within, ergo, some unsatisfied wisdom awaiting
exploitation to suffer its evolutions. There is no final wisdom- there is no
final desire. How can anything end? Has to-day ever ended? These things are
endlessness!
A person desires things of this world- but where is the difference of
desiring the "Supreme Bliss"? Which is the more selfish? Which is
nearer you? Which pleases the Creator more? Are you certain of the Creator's
will and are you sure of your own desire? Are you the Creator or just yourself,
as you fondly imagine your contents?
All these desires, however mighty, you will one day incarnate- yea,
photograph. These things already exist- very soon you will have spiritual
photographs (unfaked) but not by the camera you use at present. The pioneer is
ever the old fool. An afterthought: some spirits are already photographed- the
microbes.
Are you ever free of desideratum? Belief is eternal desire!
Desire is its own cruelty, the fettering of the hand to labour in some world
unknown; nothing is always dead and no thought dies, the master becomes the
slave- the position is alternate; you have long believed this, it is in the
flesh of your generations with the most merciless Judge! The scorn of all your
reforms or the inversion of your values!
This constant curse and blasphemy- is not the relief more in the knowledge of
the nascent unrelenting taskmaster?
Are not our bodies all smeared with its blood? Has not the world ever been
bloody? Are not our pleasures but rest to drink the blood of slaughter? O,
determined Liars, ye know not yet the lie, it may be Truth!
The Ego is desire, so everything is ultimately desired and undesirable,
desire is ever a preliminary forecast of terrible dissatisfaction hidden by its
ever-present vainglory. The millenium will come and quickly go. Men will be
greater than the Gods they ever conceived- there will be greater
dissatisfaction. You are ever what you were but you may be so in a different
form!
A person or a nation, however vain or content, falls immediately into unknown
and inevitable desire, consuming him little by little through those conditions-
any condition!
The mind becomes firm in desire by desire as devotion, but when realized is
it then eternally desirable? (or even for a period of a million years). In
Heaven shall be fettered thy foot! Therefore remove the conception that desire
is pure, or impure, or has completion- remove it by the
"Neither-Neither." Even whether the desire is for the exhasustion of
desire by the "neither-Neither" or for realisation in a wife- it is
desire- its unending evolution. Therefore remove desire in any form by the
"Neither-Neither." Remove the illusion that there is Spirit and
Not-Spirit (this idea has never given beneficial results). Remove all
conceptions by the same means.
So long as the notion remains that there is "compulsory bondage" in
this World or even in dreams there is such bondage. Remove the conception of
Freedom and Bondage in any World or State by meditation on Freedom in Freedom by
the "Neither-Neither."
For this we know- Vampirism is quite well proven enough- even by the strong
presumption that whenever blood-sucking is done, it is done by Vampire bats
apart from the probability of it being done by a divine or human agency!
Therefore Kiaize desire by the "Neither-Neither," the most
excellent formula far beyond contentment- the all-embracing vacuum which reduces
"all" to common sense and upon which this Universe rests.
Therefore believe nothing in this Book by the "Neither-Neither,"
and dispel the conception of the "Neither-Neither" by the
"Neither-Neither," and belive it is "not-necessary" or the
conclusion of pleasing yourself, because it
"Need-not-be-Does-not-matter."
One believes this "all the time" as the Truth of "The
Will" not the thing believed, since the means to an end mean evolution to
endless means.
In that most remarkable simplicity there is no beginning or end of wisdom or
of anything, so how can it be related to conception and intelligence?
SELF-LOVE AS A MORAL DOCTRINE AND VIRTUE.
The criterion of action, is freedom of movement, timeliness of expression,
pleasuring. The value of a moral doctrine is in its freedom for transgression.
Simplicity I hold most precious. Are not the most simple things in the world the
most perfect, pure, innocent, and their properties the most wonderful? Hence it
is the source of wisdom. Wisdom is exactly happiness. In love pleasuring myself
necessarily without excuse. Is this not perfection? Actions would appear
unfathomable and incomprehensible, did they exhibit conformity to the great
purpose. There are few who can attain to this! Who has no shame? Ecstasy in
satisfaction is the great purpose. Freedom from the necessity of law,
realisation by the very wish, is the ultimate goal. Law depends on two, two is
uberty, millions . . . . Law is complicated. The second did not agitate, the
first did not determine, nor was it compelled or proffered. Chance in sport is
not prophecy; by it we have gained proficiency, sufficient to determine. . . . .
Prepare for the Eternal, revert to simplicity and you are free. What man can
give without impulse? Only he who has complete sexuality. The highest goodness
is self-nourishment. What are we going to include as self? Perfect charity
acquires, hence it benefits all things by not giving. What man can have faith
without fear? Only he who has no duty to perform. When faith perishes duty to
moral doctrines perishes, we are without sin and endure for ever in
all-devouring love. What man can know with certainty? Only he who has effaced
the necessity of learning. When teachers fall out, what is the use of learning
from them? The wise are not contentious and have no dogma to expound . . . .
rather are they silent as a new-born babe in feeding. What teacher can show the
source of wisdom? It is because I know without learning; I know the source and
can convey lessons without teaching. Knowledge is but the excrement of
experience: experience its own repetition. The true teacher implants no
knowledge but shows him his own superabundance. Keeping his vision clear he
directs or leads him as a child to the essential. Having shown him the source of
wisdom, he retires before gratitude or sentiment sets in, leaving him to
fertilize as he wishes. Is not this the way of Heaven? He who trusts to his
natural fund of genius, has no knowledge of its extent and accomplishes with
ease, but directly he doubts, ignorance obsesses him. Doubt fertilizes in the
virgin soil. He is no longer fearless but a coward to difficulties, his very
learning is fear. The difference between genius and ignorance is a degree of
fear. The beginning of wisdom is fear of forethought the reception of knowledge
in learning. Children doubt, and abhor learning. Why, even the affection of
courage results in cleverness! The difference between good and evil is a matter
of profundity. Which is nearer you, self-love and its immorality or love and
morals? Not conscious of desert the compeer of Heaven, and constant happiness in
wisdom is the capacity of direction. From self-glorification, from
self-exaltation we rise superior to the incapacity of disquieting fear: the
ridiculer to destruction of humility in repentance. This "self-love"
that does not give but is glad to receive is the genuine opportunity for freedom
from covetousness, from the militant amusement of Heaven. He who subordinates
animal instincts to reason, quickly loses control. Are not the animals we see in
circuses trained by torture? And do not the animals reared in love, slay their
master? The wise embraces and nourishes all things, but does not act as master.
Only when passions are ruled by foreign environment are they dangers. Control is
by leaving things to work out their own salvation- directly we interfere we
become identified with and subject to their desire. When the Ego sees self-love-
there is peace it becomes the seer. Directly we desire, we have lost all;
"we are" what we desire, therefore we never obtain. Desire nothing,
and there is nothing that you shall not realise. Desire is for completion, the
inherent emotion that it is "all happiness," all wisdom, in constant
harmony. But directly we believe, we are liars- and become identified with pain,
yet pain and pleasure are one and the same. Therefore believe nothing, and you
will have reverted to a simplicity which childhood has not yet attained. The
fool asks how? as we must believe in pleasure and pain. Now if we could suffer
them simultaneously (pain and pleasure) and hold fast to a principle that
ascends, that allows the Ego vibration above them, should we not have reached
the ecstasy? Now the belief is the "Ego," yet separates it from Heaven
as your body separates you from another's. . . . . Therefore by retaining the
belief in the "not necessity" (when conceiving), the Ego is free. The
emotion of laughter is exhaustion, the early suffering hence by making this
emotion a "mental state" at the time of unity* he unites pain and
pleasure, suffers them simultaneously and by the "not necessity" of
his belief, his conception transcends this world and reaches the absolute
ecstasy. There is no place where pain or death can enter.
* Of Sex, indeed of everything.
The idea of God is the primordial sin, all religions are evil. Self-love is
its own law, which may be broken with impunity, being the only energy that is
not servile, serving its ever-ready purpose. Surely it is all that is left us
that has no sin and is free? Verily, it is the only thing we dare be conscious
of. He that truly pleases himself is wihout virtue, and shall satisfy all men.
Hate, jealousy, murder, etc., are conditions of love, even as virtue, greed,
selfishness, suicide, etc., are conditions or not pleasing ones's self. There is
no sin more sickening than love, for it is the very essence of covetousness and
the mother of all sin, hence it has the most devotees. Self-love only is pure
and without a congregation.
He that entirely loves himself induces self-love only. In this he is
inexorable, but does not offend like other men. He is akin to the great purpose,
his actions explained for him, good seen of his evil, without knowing, everyone
satisfied with his will. Do not Heaven and Earth unite daily in spontaneous
homage to this will of self-love? No man can show greater self-love, than by
giving up all he believes. Why do I value this self-love before all else? Is it
not because I may be free to believe in evil, but have no thought that anything
can do me injury? All is self-love, the people of the world, if they only knew,
are its devotees. My new law is the great clue to life. If the world could
understand this, the rotten fabric discarded, they would diligently follow the
way in their own hearts, there would be no further desire for unity. . . . . Try
and imagine what that implies.
May the idea of God perish and with it women: have they not both made me
appear clownish? Let there be no mistake, purity and innocence is simplicity,
happiness is wisdom. What is simple has no duality.
THE DOCTRINE OF ETERNAL SELF-LOVE.
Now self-love is explained. It is the completion of belief. The
"self" is the "Neither-Neither," nothing omitted,
indissoluble, beyond prepossession; dissociation of conception by its own
invincible love is the only true, safe, and free. The desire, will, and belief
ceasing to exist as separate. Attraction, repulsion, and control self contained,
they become the original unity, inert in pleasure. There is no duality. There is
no desire for unity. At that time, it (the dual principle) rests in its
unmodified state. The belief no longer subject to conception by conceiving
"self" as such by loving. At other times, it*(1) creates a centre,
becomes its environment, identified with its ramifications, conception created,
subjection to law and the insatiable desire for unity, inasmuch as the duality
is unity. Servitude to law is the hatred of Heaven. Self-love only is the
eternal all pleasing, by meditation on this effulgent self which is mystic
joyousness. At that time of bliss, he is punctual to his imagination, in that
day what happiness is his! A lusty innocent, beyond sin, without hurt! Balanced
by an emotion, a refraction of his ecstasy is all that he is conscious of as
external. *(2) His vacuity causes double refraction, "He," the
self-effulgent lightens in the Ego. Beyond law and the guest at the "Feast
of the Supersensualists." *(3) He has power over life and death.*(4) Save
by this, he is not beyond self-reproach, verily he has loosed all the trouble of
the world, the murder from the lightning. Self-love preventing the mind from
concentration, is identity without form, is no thought as such; law and external
influences contained, do not affect. When that giving up all belief, reflects
only its meaning, then is there purity of vision, innocence of touch, ergo,
self-love. Verily, verily men are born, suffer and die through their belief.
Ejaculation is death. Self-love is preservation and life.
*(1) It the "Neither-Neither" emanates tetragrammaton of relatives,
the sexes of which are evolved through their cruciform reflection and are
elusive to identity. In their XXXX they produce unity XXXXX XXXXX conception.
Ego generating by subdivision they embrace eternity, in their manifold
ramifications is law.
*(2) i.e. his rainbow.
*(3) Chapter on self-attraction omitted.
*(4) This is the test. The one who doubt would naturally submit himself.
Man to invoke pleasure in his choice, subtracts from desire, his desire is
partial desire, becomes sub-duple (conflict), never is his energy full. Having
no true focus, he is deceived in his strength and attains a pure measure of
pleasure from his body. In success how heavy is his sentence! Pleasure becomes
the illusion. Through dire necessity, "his means," he is bound to its
cause and effect, and becomes a holcaust on the pyre of sentiment. This
self-love is the only full energy, all else a wrapping of dissatisfaction, the
hypothesis of desires which obscures.
Man in the misery of his illusions and unsatisfied desires, wings his flight
to different religions, and doctrines, seeks redeception, a hypnotic, a
palliative from which he suffers fresh miseries in exhaustion. The terms of the
cure are new illusions, greater entanglement, more stagnant environment.
Having studied all ways and means to pleasure and pondered over them well
again and again, this self-love has been found by me to be the only free, true
and full one, nothing more sane, pure, and complete. There is no deceit: when by
this all experience certainly is known, everything sublimely beautiful and
exceedingly amiable: where is the necessity of other means? Like the drink to
the drunkard everything should be sacrificed for it. This Self-love is now
declared by me the means of evolving millions of ideas for pleasure without
love, or its synonyms- self-reproach, sickness, old-age, and death. The
Symposium of self and love. O! Wise Man, Please Thyself.
THE COMPLETE RITUAL AND DOCTRINE OF MAGIC
Ecstasy in Self-love the Obsession
My dearest, I will now explain the only safe and true formula, the destroyer
of the darkness of the World, the most secret among all secrets. Let it be
secret to him who would attain. Let it cover any period of time, depending on
his conception. There is no qualification*(1), nor ritual or ceremony. His very
existence symbolising all that is necessary to perfection. Most emphatically,
there is no need of repetition or feeble imitation. You are alive!
Magic, the reduction of properties to simplicity, making them transmutable to
utilise them afresh by direction, without capitalization, bearing fruit many
times. Know deliberation, over consciousness and concentration to be its
resistance and sycophancy, the ultimate acquirement of idiotcy. Whether for his
own pleasure or power, the fulfilment of desire is his purpose, he would
terminate this by magic. Let him wait for a desire analogous in intensity*(2),
he then sacrifices this desire (or its fulfilment) to the initial desire, by
this it becomes organic, the quantum. He has not attained freedom from law* (3).
Hence let him wait for a belief to be subtracted, that period when
disillusionment has taken place*(4). Verily disappointment is his chance.
"This free entity of belief" and his desire are united to his purpose
by the use of Sigils or sacred letters. By projecting the consciousness into one
part, sensation not being manifold, becomes intensified. By the abstention of
desire, except in the object, this is attained (at the psychological time this
determines itself).
By non-resistance (involuntary thought and action), worry and apprehension of
non-fulfilment, being transient, find no permanent abode: he desires everything.
Anxiety defeats the purpose, it retains and exposes the desire. Conscious desire
is non-attractive. The mind quiet and focussed, undisturbed by external images
does not distort the sense impressions (there is no hallucination; it would end
in imaginative fulfilment), but magnifies the existing desire, and joins it to
the object in secret.
*(1) The means being simpicity, he is comparitively free to make his own
qualifications and difficulties, i.e., many retirements are absurd and at once
prove his incapacity, the non existence of what he sets about to prove. He at
once sets his limit and servility.
*(2) Just a natural desire.
*(3) This is a short formula for those whose belief is full in the law, are
house holders following their desires. The formula holds good for any purpose.
*(4) Illustration, the loss of faith in a friend, or an union that did not
fulfill expectations.
Casting the Shadow.
The Ego not being totally oblivious, let him retain only and visualise the
Sigil form, it is his chalice, the means of vacuity and incarnation. By the
deliberation of an analogous emotion at that time, he deputises the law
(reaction). Miraculous is he, balance not known in this world imitated
(attained). All other consciousness annulled with safety, the vehicle strong
enough for the ecstasy, he is beyond hurt. Now let him imagine an union takes
place between himself (the mystic union of the Ego and Absolute). The nectar
emitted, let him drink slowly, again and again*(1). After this astonishing
experience his passion is incomparable, there is nothing in the world he will
desire: unless he wills. That is why people do not understand me. The ecstasy in
its emotion is omnigenous. Know it as the nectar of life, the Syllubub of Sun
and Moon. Verily he steals the fire from Heaven: the greatest act of bravery in
the world. Deliberation egotized, except in the refraction*(2) of the ecstasy,
is exposure and death, becoming a presiding obsession, control having been given
to a prior experience and is over-conscious of that through it momentarily
finding freedom from its native law; thus generating double personality
(Insanity).
*(1) If it becomes physical, let him imagine another's body, he has that
sigil or its emergency. This, although not his original purpose, he will and
exceedingly amiable.
*(2) Laughter in this case.
By these means there is no desire beyond fulfilment, no accomplishment too
wonderful, depending on the amount of free belief*(3).
*(3) It may be done by localizing desire to one sense, hence by this formula
using the ear as the vehicle, one hears the most transcendental music ever
conceived, being the voices and harmony of every conceivable animal and human
existence and so with each sense.
Men of small pleasure and enterprise, oblivious of your purpose,
fault-finding, avaricious, sinful, who cannot live without women or enjoy
without pain, fearsome, inconstant, diseased, and withered, dependent, cruel,
deceived, and liars, the worst of men! Know, Oh, Lord, Oh beloved Self, I have
now told you of that most secret tavern where passion goes when youth has gone,
where any man may drink of the nectar of all-beneficent and gratuitous ecstasy.
The most pleasurable nourishment that harms no one.
NOTE ON THE DIFFERENCE OF MAGICAL OBSESSION (GENIUS) AND INSANITY.
MAGICAL obsession is that state when the mind is illuminated by sub-conscious
activity evoked voluntarily by formula at our own time, etc., for inspiration.
It is the condition of Genius.
Other obsession is the "blind leading the blind," caused by
quietism, known as mediumism, an opening out of the Ego to (what is called) any
external influence, elementals, or disembodied energy. A transmutated
consciousness that is a resistance to "true" sub-conscious activity,
it being a voluntary insanity, a somnambulation of the Ego with "no
form" or control to guide it: hence its emanations are stupid in
suggestion, or memories of childhood.
Obsession known as or related to insanity is an experience that is
dissociated from the personality (Ego) through some sort of rejection. It is
sub-crystalline, and cannot become permanently attached to the
sub-consciousness, not having exhausted or completed itself by realisation.
Depending on its degree of intensity and resistance shown at some time or
another, the Ego has or has not knowledge of the obsession; always is its
expression autonomous, divorced from personal control, power of direction and
timing. Concentration determines dissociation. Enthusiasm for one object seeking
completion by identification, sacrifices all else, or deliberately forgets. Its
separation from the Ego (it becoming equal, or more in bulk than the rest of the
consciousness, causes subdivision or "double personality"), is caused
by its own intensity or by shock of resistance determined by some
incompatibility of the desired or desire.
Concentration is dissatisfied desire, a conflict that can never be satisfied,
because of its means. When the Ego, not appearing to have or not knowing the
means of fulfilment, seeks its repudiation, repression, imaginative fulfilment,
or transmutation to escape its worry. None of these is the desire's or
obsession's annihilation, but its separation or concealment from the rest of the
Ego, its premature sub-conscious existence. It is held there only when some form
of resistance is active, when resistance is dormant- control is given to the
presiding obsession, allowing its incarnation in, and swamping of the Ego, which
has to live and perform its emotional experience. Disease and Insanity (all
disease is insanity) is caused when the disembodied energy has no vital
function. It is this energy which is utilised for the vitalization of Sigils.
SIGILS.
The Psychology of Believing.
If the "supreme belief" remains unknown, believing is fruitless. If
"the truth" has not yet been ascertained, the study of knowledge is
unproductive. Even if "they" were known their study is useless. We are
not the object by the perception, but by becoming it. Closing the gateways of
sense is no help. Verily I will make common-sense the foundation of my teaching.
Otherwise, how can I convey my meaning to the deaf, vision to the blind, and my
emotion to the dead? In a labyrinth of metaphor and words, intuition is lost,
therefore without their effort must be learned the truth about one's self from
him who alone knows the truth . . . . yourself.
Of what use the wisdom of Virginity to him who has been raped by the seducer,
ignorance? Of what use sciences or any knowledge except as medicine? Hidden
treasure does not come at the word nor by digging with your hands in the main
road. Even with the proper implements and accurate knowledge of place, etc., may
be but the acquisition of what you possessed long ago. There is a great doubt as
to whether it is hidden, except by the strata of your experience and atmospheres
of your belief.
The pertinent question now proposed by "Thee" should be asked by
those desirous of some measure of genius. My answer like the mighty germ is in
agreement with the universe, simple and full of deep import and for a time
extremely objectionable to your ideas of good and beauty. Listen, attentively,
O! Aspirant, all agog for information, to my answer, for by living the meaning
thou shalt truly be freed from the bondage of constitutional ignorance. Thou
must live it thyself; I cannot live it for thee.
The chief cause of genius is realisation or "I" by an emotion that
allows the lightning assimilation of what is perceived. This emotion is immoral
in that it allows free association of knowledge without the accessories of
belief. Its condition is, therefore, ignorance of "I am" and "I
am not" with absent-mindedness as believing. Its most excellent state is
the "Neither-Neither," the free or atmospheric "I."
You remember in your youth the thought "that this world is a curious
place" in the emotion when you felt "why" as to whether this life
is a reasonable development? What was the cause of this and of your summarily
dismissing it from your mind? Again the feeling that the most commonplace object
is magnificently strange and the vague emotion of co-relation between the
incompatible (exhaustive arguments often see this, but always excuse it); the
curiosity and shock with a more intimate association with the wonders of
creation. What is it that prevents you following investigation into "what
exactly is surprise," etc.? What is the cause of your believing more in God
than a dog-fight? Yet you fear dogs more than God! Where is the difference
between yourself choked with disquieting piety, and the innocence of a babe?
Perhaps in these is the cause of ignorance.
Belief is the fall from the Absolute. What are you going to believe? Truth
seeks its own negation. Different aspects are not the truth, nor are they
necessary to truth. Of its emanations which are you to strangle at birth? Are
you illegitimate? You believe in right and wrong- what punishment will you
determine? Can you escape the driving "Must"? Who can escape boredom-
without change? Who remain single and content! What man among you is large and
free enough to encompass his "self"? Your belief obfuscates lineage.
Ambition is smallness- your customed environment. Remember, time is an unstudied
imagination of the experienced. What may be called the early experience was its
completion, so of learning there is no finis. What you learn to-morrow is
determined by what you have done- the accomplished lesson of yesterday. Never
learning to-day what you can do to-morrow is called loss, but is theft from
time, wholesomeness and rejuvenescence. Repeat this delay again and again till
you arrive at spontaneity, chance in safety. The pursuit of learning (believing)
is the grotesque incubator of stupidity.
If you could truly believe, we should realise the virtue of it. We are not
free to believe . . . . however much we so desire, having conflicting ideas to
first exhaust. Sigils are the art of believing; my invention for making belief
organic, ergo, true belief.
When by the wish to believe- it is of the necessity incompatible with an
existing belief and is not realized through the inhibition of the organic
belief- the negation of the wish, faith moves no mountains, not till it has
removed itself. Supposing I wish to be great (is not counting that I am), to
have "faith" and believe that I am, does not make me great- even were
I to keep up the pretence to the end . . . . it being ceremonial insincerity,
the affirmation of my incapacity. I am incapable, because that is the true
belief, and organic. To believe differently is but affectation. Therefore the
imagination or "faith" that I am great, is a superficial belief. The
reaction and denial, caused by the troublesome effervescence of the organic
incapacity. Denial or faith does not change or annihilate it, but is its
reinforcement and preservation. Therefore belief, to be true, must be organic
and sub-conscious. The desire to be great can only become organic at a time of
vacuity, and by giving it (Sigil) form. When conscious of the Sigil form (any
time but the Magical) it should be repressed, a deliberate striving to forget
it, by this it is active and dominates at the unconscious period, its form
nourishes and allows it to become attached to the sub-consciousness and become
organic, that accomplished, is its reality and realisation. He becomes his
concept of greatness.
So belief becomes true and vital by striving against it in consciousness and
by giving it form. Not by the striving of faith. Belief exhausts itself by
confession and non-resistance, i.e., consciousness. Believe not to believe, and
in degree you will obtain its existence. Timeliness depending on your morality,
give to the poor. If the ambitious only knew it is as difficult to become
incapable as it is to become great. They are mutual as accomplishments and
equally satisfying.
THE SUB-CONSCIOUSNESS.
ALL geniuses have active sub-consciousness, and the less they are aware of
the fact, the greater their accomplishments. The sub-consciousness is exploited
by desire reaching it. So consciousness should not contain the "great"
desire once the Ego has wished: and should be filled with an affected ambition
for something different, not vice-versa, the inevitable penalty of cowardice
lurking somewhere: surely not an inglorious deceit? Genius, like heroism, is a
matter of bravery- you have to forget fear, or incapacity somehow . . . . hence
its expression is always spontaneous. How simple it is to acquire genius- you
know the means; who will take the plunge? The learning of "How" is the
eternal "Why"- unanswered! A genius is such, because he does not know
how or why.
The Storehouse of Memories with an Ever-Open Door.
Know the sub-consciousness to be an epitome of all experience and wisdom,
past incarnations as men, animals, birds, vegetable life, etc., etc., everything
that exists, has and ever will exist. Each being a stratum in the order of
evolution. Naturally then, the lower we probe into these strata, the earlier
will be the forms of life we arrive at; the last is the Almighty Simplicity. And
if we succeed in awakening them, we shall gain their properties, and our
accomplishment will correspond. They being experiences long passed, must be
evoked by extremely vague suggestion, which can only operate when the mind is
unusually quiet or simple. To have their wisdom does not mean the necessity of
their bodies- the body modifies in relation to "means" (we travel
faster than the hunting leopard, but do not have its body), when it is the means
it changes accordingly. Now, if we observe Nature, the early forms of life are
wonderful in their properties, adaptablility, etc; their strength enormous, and
some are indestructible. No matter what the desire is, it always is its
accomplishment. A microbe has the power to destroy the world (and certainly
would if it took an interest in us). If you were to dismember its limb, the
mutilated part would regrow, etc. So by evoking and becoming obsessed or
illuminated by these existences, we gain their magical properties, or the
knowledge of their attainment. This is what already happens (everything happens
at all times) though exceedingly slowly; in striving for knowledge we repel it,
the mind works best on a simple diet.
The Key to Prophecy.
The law of Evolution is retrogression of function governing progression of
attainment, i.e., the more wonderful our attainments, the lower in the scale of
life that governs them. Our knowledge of flight is determined by that desire
causing the activity of our bird etc. Karmas. Directly our desire reaches the
stratum belonginging to those existences that can "fly" without wings-
so shall we fly without machines. This sub-conscious activity is the
"capacity," the "knowledge"; all other we acquire is of a
negative or manurial value. The virtue of learning and acquiring knowledge by
the ordinary means is in its worry and disappointment, of that degree which
causes exhaustion: by that the desire might accidentally reach the real abode of
knowledge, i.e., the sub-consciousness. Inspiration is always at a void moment,
and most great discoveries accidental, usually brought about by exhaustion of
the mind. My formula and Sigils for sub-conscious activity are the means of
inspiration, capacity or genius, and the means of accelerating evolution. An
economy of energy and method of learning by enjoyment. A bat first grew wings
and of the proper kind, by its desire being organic enough to reach the
sub-consciousness. If its desire to fly had been conscious, it would have had to
wait till it could have done so by the same means as ourselves, i.e., by
machinery. All genius has an hypothesis (usually natural) in the form of a
hobby, which serves to restrain and occupy the conscious mind, to prevent its
interference with spontaneous expression. The great Leonardo's mathematics,
etc., served to "Deceive" him as such an hypothesis (and as Sigils).
Our lives are full of the Symbolism of those predominating Karmas we are
governed by. All ornament, useless dress, etc., are such (they please people
because they feel the identification), and the means of locating them (Karmas).
The symbolism of crowning a man King, is that he, resembling God (on earth), has
reached the lowest strata of his sub-consciousness (those one-cell organisms if
you like), which predominate as governing his functions. (Of course, those
crowned Kings are never such, they symbolise the "hope," not the
reality.) Hence the floral nature of and precious stones in design of the crown
relate to first principles. He is King who has reached the dual principle in its
simplicity, the first experience which is all experience . . . . he has no need
of crowns and kingdoms.
By Sigils and the acquirement of vacuity, any past incarnation, experience,
etc., can be summoned to consciousness. It may even happen in sleep in the form
of dreams, but this means is very difficult. (Chapters on day and night dreaming
for pleasure omitted.)
Total vacuity is difficult and unsafe for those governed by morality,
complexes, i.e., whose belief is not entirely self-love. Hence this desideratum
of Sigils, etc.
Know all ritual, ceremony, conditions, as arbitrary (you have yourself to
please), a hindrance and confusion; their origin was for amusement, later for
the purpose of deceiving other from knowing the truth and inducing ignorance;
and as always happens their high priests were the more deceived themselves. He
who deceives another deceives himself much more. Therefore know the Charlatans
by their love of rich robes, ceremony, ritual, magical retirements, absurd
conditions, and other stupidity, too numerous to relate. Their entire doctrine a
boastful display, a cowardice hungering for notoriety; their standard everything
unnecessary, their certain failure assured. Hence it is that those with some
natural ability quickly lose it by their teaching. They can only dogmatise,
implant and multiply that which is entirely superficial. Were I a teacher I
should not act as master, as knowing more, the pupil could lay no claim to
discipleship. Assimilating slowly, he would not be conscious of his learning, he
would not repeat the vital mistake; without fear he would accomplish with ease.
The only teaching possible is to show a man how to learn from his own wisdom,
and to utilise his ignorance and mistakes. Not by obscuring his vision and
intention by righteousness.
SIGILS. BELIEF WITH PROTECTION.
Magickal Obsession.
I will now explain their creation and use; there is no difficulty about it,
how pure and clear it all is*(1). Out of love for my foolish devotees I invented
it. All desire, whether for Pleasure, Knowledge, or Power, that cannot find
"Natural" expression, can by Sigils and their formula find fulfilment
from the sub-consciousness. Sigils are the means of guiding and uniting the
partially free belief*(2) with an organic desire, its carriage and retention
till its purpose served in the sub-conscious self, and its means of
reincarnation in the Ego. All thought can be expressed by form in true relation.
Sigils are monograms of thought, for the government of energy (all heraldry,
crests, monograms, are Sigils and the Karmas they govern), relating to Karma; a
mathematical means of symbolising desire and giving it form that has the virtue
of preventing any thought and association on that particular desire (at the
magical time), escaping the detection of the Ego, so that it does not restrain
or attach such desire to its own transitory images, memories and worries, but
allows it free passage to the sub-consciousness.
*(1) By this system, you know exactly what (you believe) your Sigil must
relate to. If you used any form stupidly, you might possibly "conjure
up" exactly what you did not want- the mother of insanity, or what always
happens then, nothing at all. This being the only system, any result other than
by it is accidental. Also you do not have to dress up as a traditional magician,
wizard or priest, build expensive temples, obtain virgin parchment, black goat's
blood, etc., etc., in fact no theatricals or humbug.
*(2) Free belief or energy, i.e., a disappointed desire, not yet an
obsession.
Sigils are made by combining the letters of the alphabet simplified.
Illustration*(3), the word "Woman" in Sigil form is (example) or
(example) or (example) etc. The word tiger (example) or (example) etc., etc. The
idea being to obtain a simple form which can be easily visualised at will, and
has not too much pictorial relation to the desire. The true method has a much
greater virtue, which cannot be explained briefly, being the secret of thought
form, as degrees of suggestion, and what exactly is in a name. We have now
agreed as to how a Sigil is made, and what virtue it has. Verily, what a person
believes by Sigils, is the truth, and is always fulfilled. This system of Sigils
is believed by taking it up as a hobby at a time of great disappointment or
sorrow. By Sigils I have endowed fools with wisdom, made the wise fools, giving
health to the sick and weak, disease to the strong, etc. Now, if for some
purpose, you wanted the strength of a tiger- you would make a sentence such as:-
"This my wish to obtain the strength of a tiger." (Message from person
who typed up this file: In constructing the sentence of desire, beginning with
"This my will," has been said by some to be more efficacious.)
Sigilized this would be:-
This my wish (illustrative example of this part of the sentence)
To obtain (ditto)
The strength of a Tiger (same as said above)
Combined as one Sigil (example) or (more simplified example).
*(3) There are six methods of Sigils employed in this book, each
corresponding to different strata. The one shown here is illustrative and the
fundamental idea of them all, from which anyone can evolve his own system.
Conditions, etc., or necessity subsequently evolve themselves. Also a person has
more power of creation and originality with a limited means of expression.
Now by virtue of this Sigil you are able to send your desire into the
subconsciousness (which contains all strength); that having happened, it is the
desire's realisation by the manifestation of the knowledge or power necessary.
First, all consciousness except of the Sigil has to be annulled; do not
confuse this with concentration- you simply conceive the Sigil any moment you
begin to think. Vacuity* is obtained by exhausting the mind and body by some
means or another. A personal or traditional means serves equally well, depending
on temperament; choose the most pleasant; these should be held in favour,
Mantras and Posture, Women and Wine, Tennis, and the playing of Patience, or by
walking and concentration on the Sigil, etc., etc. None is necessary to him who
has (even symbolically) for a moment by the "Neither-Neither"
conquered the dual principle (Conception), his Ego is free from gravity. If the
Sigil is made an obsession by continual apprehension, its realisation may happen
at any moment, in the form of inspiration. This is done by reverting the mind to
the Sigil when one is extremely worried- the time of exhaustion is the time of
fulfilment. At the time of exhaustion or vacuity, retain only and visualise the
Sigil form- eventually it becomes vague, then vanishes and success is assured.
by the Ego conceiving only the Sigil, and not being able to conceive anything
from it, all energy is focussed through it, the desire for identification
carries it to the corresponding sub-conscious stratum, its destination. The
Sigil being a vehicle, serves the purpose of protecting consciousness from the
direct manifestation of the (consciously unacknowledged) obsession, conflict is
avoided with any incompatible ideas and neither gains separate personality. It
(the obsession) is either gradually assimilated and becomes organic or returns
to its original abode, its purpose of illumination served. Hence the mind, by
Sigils, depending upon the intensity of desire, is illuminated or obsessed
(knowledge or power) from that particular Karma (the sub-conscious stratum, a
particular existence and knowledge gained by it) relative to the desire, but not
from memory or experience which was recent. Knowledge is obtained by the
sensation, resulting from the unity of the desire and Karma. Power, by its
"actual" vitalization and resurrection.
* This is not the passivity of mediumism which opens the mind to what is
called external influence- disembodied energy usually having no better purpose
than to rap-tables. There are many means of attaining this state of vacuity: I
mention the most simple, there is no need for crucifixion. Drugs are useless.
Smoking and laziness the more difficult.
This knowledge leaves its stratum in company with the energy or desire
returning to the Ego. It escapes the Ego's resistance by associating with
similar images, memories, or experiences relative (recieved in this life), that
the mind contains, and crystalizes itself by their symbolism. Hence most
illumination is symbolic, and must be subsequently translated.
(Chapters on Symbolism, Automatic Drawing As Means To Art, & Note on
Sacred Letters omitted.)
ON MYSELF.
Conceiving, thou hast given no sign of life. In claiming thee, a labour of
creating value, is nothing worth holding, nothing satisfying; the realisation of
thy inhibition all? By self-effacement would seem reality. This self, how empty!
how prolific of incompleteness! In self-denial its stimulation to simulate
reality . . . . more and more comes out- these ugly mists of illusion are
parental, the cause of Heaven's hatred! That is why I fear to believe in God,
subordination to an attribute, an idea of Self is not freedom of love! Probably
Almighty is he who is unconscious of the idea of God. Now may the fierceness of
my unity be "Thy" silence and for me no longer a query or labour to
espouse my doubt. Yet mankind for ever doubts, quirks, and for every pleasure
pays, till he becomes millionary: the punishment shall fit the appraisement of
his capitalization, there is that fear! The rich in dross, to cheat his
conscience, affects humility, speaks of himself as "poor," his
possessions as "burdens," or of "small account"! Of what
consolation the truth in the day of weary waiting and watching, the restless
striving, the imprisonment, the rack, the horrors of every conceivable torture?
When he becomes accustomed, loses reality, and no longer deterred, will he then
create God and miseries afresh? Oh, folly of the world, deny thy faith, renounce
this Bloody-Sceptred God and confess. The completion of folly is the beginning
of childhood, but of knowledge there is no end. It was the straying that found
the path direct. From childhood, I have never denied my invincible purpose. Oh,
silent watcher, thou sleepless eye of the Universe, watch over the beginning of
all my ideas. The misery of the world would seem eternal, whilst I, in the
midst, like an infant not yet smiling, am impervious in purity (of self-love)
but I dare not claim its service! I am in eternal want of realisation, poor
though I be, my contentment is beyond your understanding. An opinionist, I fear
to advocate an argument, or compromise myself by believing my own doctrines as
such . . . . may they ever be their own expurgers! Fearsome of knowledge, may my
belief be its emptiness, yea, ignorance! From my daring to believe religions,
doctrines, creeds, so shall I hold the jewel of truth. So cautious am I,
simultaneously do I deny that which I affirm, and hold fast to the
"not-necessity," by paradox superseded, without antecedent,
spontaneous, I revert to the Absolute, watch my intoxication and control- the
reaction of Karma. How easy is the Way, it would seem as though nothing should
be said but all unsaid! May my words be few and pregnant! Alas, the futility of
the idea of God has not yet reached its limit, all men liars, appear striving
for insanity as its climax: while I alone as one prematurely aged, reason
tottering on its throne, remain sane, in positive chastity, confessing no
conscience, no morals- a virgin in singleness of purpose.
by Austin Osman Spare.
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